Thursday, July 11, 2013


I have finished two accelerated semesters so far and begun my third. I have all A's! Yaayyyyy! And although there were definite social drawbacks to being homeschooled the way I was, there are definite educational advantages from which I am now benefiting. Like, I don't know, the ability and motivation to complete assignments! I can't believe how rare that is in community college.

I decided to take Communications this semester. I took it in the classroom, because I knew it would be cowardly of me to take it online. I would have felt that I was cheating. I communicate just fine through writing. And over the internet. And any way that doesn't require me to be physically near the other person. So I figured I'd better push my comfort zone on this one.

Well, it's pushed alright. I really, really hate interacting with guys. Always have. I'm aware the problem is with me and not them, but it's a huge problem nonetheless. I'm very paranoid around men. And as with anything outside of our comfort zone, cultural/racial/what-have-you differences exaggerate that discomfort, because the unfamiliarity is increased.

So of course I walk into the classroom the first day to find it filled with men, two-thirds of whom are either African American or African. (There are a large number of African transfer students at this college. And believe me, you can tell the difference; they're not the same culture by any means.) I think one may be Egyptian, not sure. Over the next few minutes a couple of other women trickled in, so fortunately I'm not the ONLY female in the class. If that were the case, I might have withdrawn. I think we total five now, out of roughly 20 students.

The professor is hilarious though, so that helps. I find that I've overcome my social anxiety enough now to be able to speak voluntarily, but not enough to do so without my blood pressure skyrocketing and making me feel like I would pass out if I talked for more than 30 seconds. So I'm getting there. Hopefully by the end of this semester I will be far more comfortable. And honestly, I like the idea of having people from other cultures in the class. I always like meeting people women from other countries because you can get a new perspective on world issues and on your own society. I'm just not sure I want to spend that much time talking with men. Hehe.

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