Another spring already? Wow. This one has been fairly cool – a little too cool at times – but I’ll take that over the usual two weeks of nice weather in between shivering and sweating that we usually get!
Good things first: The landlord of the business park where I work is opening a free gym for the tenants’ employees. Yippee!! I’m so looking forward to exercising after work without having to add an extra 40 minutes for travel time. I saw it yesterday at their Open House and it looks awesome.
I have a new coworker whose grown daughter struggles with some of the same issues that the Princess does. It’s nice to know that there is someone around who can understand a little bit. Of course, my belief that this will be a lifelong struggle for me as well as for the Princess has been confirmed. Fortunately her medications seem to be working pretty well right now, most of the time. She started an anxiety medication recently that appears to be settling into an improvement.
“The Princess” doesn’t really suit her as a name anymore. I’m going to have to come up with something else. For one thing, she’s almost as big as me now (thanks a lot, early puberty). For another thing, she’s decided that she is also non-binary and isn’t sure if she’s more of a boy or a girl. Since she’s still very fashion conscious and has begun wearing makeup daily, I’m not taking it too seriously – call me unsupportive if you like, but I think in her case this is much more of an imitation than a reality. Especially since she frequently and dramatically laments her ill fate of being born human instead of a cat. If she could identify as a cat and make everyone talk to her in meows (and especially stay home from school, that’s the most important thing), she would, so excuse me while I roll my eyes. She’s got at least a few years of maturing to go before I’ll believe she’s not just role-playing. From now on I will call her Catgirl.
Meanwhile, Whiz Kid didn’t take long to decide that she is fully transgender and is starting hormone therapy. We’ve gone to several counseling sessions and she insists this is what she wants, despite the many social drawbacks and actual dangers that it may bring. She will be changing her name shortly as well; we’ve been putting it off until she gets her driver’s license so there will be some continuity for legal reasons. My parents still don’t know, but they will have to know soon. Catgirl is very impulsive and has been stressing out a lot recently over the fact that she can’t talk to my mom about Whiz Kid, and I can’t let that continue – nor do I want to give the impression that it’s okay for her to “out” her sibling. I’m the one who didn’t want them to know, so it’s my responsibility.
How do you break this kind of news to the kind of parents whose list of unacceptable behavior includes: a) NOT beating your children; b) All forms of entertainment, from television to amusement parks; c) Attending public school; d) Having short hair if you’re female or long hair if you’re male; e) Interracial marriage; f) Getting vaccinated, especially against COVID; g) Females wearing pants; h) Talking to your kids about sex, at all, ever; i) Having tattoos, piercings, or wearing swimsuits; j) Wearing any clothing that exposes your shoulders or thighs, including tight clothing (this only applies to females, of course, like so many rules); k) Should I include attending college, now that they falsely insist they were never opposed to that? Or having an SSN? Etcetera, etcetera. You get the idea. Ugh.
The latest grave concern my mother needed to share with me was that Catgirl had been talking about “Allah” being the same as “God.” CAN YOU IMAGINE THE HORROR?! She was somewhat mollified when I told her that it was probably because I’d been explaining to Catgirl that the word “Allah” is in fact just the Arabic word for God, used by all Arabic-speaking people regardless of their religion. This is why I avoid talking to her about anything that matters.
And of course, there’s Bear. He kind of slides under the radar these days, just the way he likes it; but I worry that he won’t ever come out into the spotlight enough to become independent. He struggles in school and refuses to admit that poor grades will have any negative effect on his future. He does want to work this summer at the local grocery store where his best friend already works, so I hope that will jump-start adulthood for him. He’s turning 16 this fall and needs to take more initiative for his life.
At the same time, I have to figure out what’s going to happen with Catgirl this summer if both of her older siblings are working. She definitely can’t be home alone for any length of time. I’ve had to hide all the sharp objects and candle lighters because she has a compulsion to just “see what happens” with dangerous things, or she will cut up a perfectly good item because she thought of something to do with the fabric. Grrrrrr. I’ve been able to curb that somewhat by saving her favorite outgrown clothes for crafting instead of sending them to the Goodwill. Sometimes she still threatens to hurt herself, but more often my concern is just that she’s destructive because she doesn’t think about the potential consequences when an idea pops into her head. And as far as the lighters go, one of my siblings was a pyromaniac and I know that it’s not anything to mess with. I can’t trust her to leave the lighters alone “because I said so.” I have to be realistic – she’s going to experiment with it if it’s available. I suspect I’ll be working from home a lot this summer, which stinks but at least I have the option. But that also means I have to get this talk with my parents out of the way before then, so I’ll know if it’s going to be possible to leave Catgirl with them when I need to. Uggghhhh. I may have to shell out the money for a few weeks of summer camp.
The local organization I was so excited about didn’t last long. It turns out there was at least one extremely bigoted and immature person there who kind of ruined it for everyone, with the help of a few enablers. I left and so did several others. The time I had there was valuable, however. I wish things had been different. It was really upsetting to see that kind of meanness and petty hate in a place that was meant for spiritual enlightenment and inclusion. I feel sorry for future attendees who have no idea what they’re getting into.
If anyone knows of a free place to live somewhere in the Northern US, let me know! Lol. It’s discouraging to know that I have pretty much maxed out my earning potential, and it still isn’t enough to support a family of four and never will be.
