Loss

I finally got my voice back. I think now I may have actually had whooping cough - at any rate I coughed violently for about 3 weeks and it still hasn't fully stopped. And today I actually had time to call the father of Whiz Kid's friend at a time when his son wasn't home. And told him of my decision. He was very upset, as I expected; his excuse was that he was on pain meds that night and had had a drink or two, which I did not expect and which certainly did not reassure me. It was very difficult to do. I absolutely loathe disappointing people and making them feel bad. But Whiz Kid is my responsibility and I have learned the hard way that there are some things you don't wait for proof of. Getting proof means it's already too late.

Still, I feel like bawling my eyes out over the loss of my son's friendship. They've been best friends for over two years, and in 3rd grade that feels like a lifetime. He's cried, of course. He wants to believe his friend will eventually come over here, but I tried to explain that although the invitation is still open, there's no reason to believe that will happen. And I feel tremendous anxiety over what will happen to his friend; whether his dad will punish him for allowing me to see the behavior, or try to blame him for my decision.

I asked Whiz Kid's counselor to mention this change to him at their last appointment, just in case he wanted to discuss it. He mostly wanted to explain that he is not in danger there because "when things start to get too out of control" (with horseplay, as he calls it) "A--- will give me the signal to go downstairs and I'll just go down and start the game and he comes down later." Yeah. No. This isn't getting any better. She gave me a look that said everything I was thinking, but neither of us voiced it out loud.

I did mention it to the assistant principal of the school as well, just because I felt someone should keep their eyes open and look out for the boy as much as is realistically possible. I still feel very nervous about having done that, but I felt worse about not doing it. However, it worries me to think that if anything happens in the future, the father will know I was the one who spoke up. Still, I feel that people do have a right to face their accusers, unless there's good reason to believe that presents safety risks.

On another note, my ex has apparently been in jail for the past month after stealing from a WalMart. And I received a stack of papers from Domestic Relations informing me that the county is suing the attorney who issued him a settlement on his accident because there was a court order in place to hold it for review because of child support arrears. Nice. The amount was far below what he kept telling us it was, and of course he did nothing to get any of it to the kids, not that I quite frankly care a whit at this point. It's just maddening all around: that he lied again, that he didn't hold out for a more realistic amount (no doubt because he wanted the fast cash), that he did nothing for the kids with it, and of course, the knowledge that if he did tell the truth and had gotten more, it would have been just as wasted anyway. Ugh.

Finals are nearly over. I think I will get A's again; I'm sure of two courses, one I'm concerned about but hopeful. And if I don't, it was still the one class I would not have traded taking for anything, simply because of how much I learned. I hope I never have to see those images again though. It's not a class for sensitive people, and I'm a sensitive person. Not to mention very visual. I'm glad it's over, and glad I stuck it out.