So, I've been away awhile. And I'm thinking I'll probably stay away. The nice thing about the internet is that you get to come here and dump all your problems in cyberspace for whoever wants to sift through and offer you some advice, and when you've unloaded them all the idea is to go back to your real life. And that's what I've been doing.
Not that all my problems are unloaded. But compared to last year, I'm a different person. My depression is periodic, not constant. I have nights when I DO sleep, and days when I CAN breathe, and that's a big step forward. I think it has something to do with Mark being out of my life. He's been in jail since the beginning of the year and isn't likely to be out for a long time. His mom has gradually dropped off the radar, and even though I resent both of them for not being in the children's lives, I am personally so much better off without either of them.
The change that surprises me the most is a recent and sudden realization that I'm occasionally attracted to men I meet. That must have something to do with being removed from Mark as well, and something to do with finally discovering the missing link in my diet. Apparently, it was B vitamins and C. My mom often gives me articles about various health problems, and a couple of months ago it was about chronic fatigue and some doctor who was treating it with a combination of B and C vitamins. She bought a B complex and I started taking it, and drinking Emergen-C packets every other day, and voila! Normality! At long last! Whatever it is has allowed my hormones to reset again in several ways, lowering my stress, increasing my metabolism, and apparently, giving me a sex drive again. For what that's worth.
I'm not sure if it bothers me or not. I have no intention of getting involved in another relationship any time soon, because I have young children, and the anxiety of bringing someone new into their life is not worth any of the possible good outcomes. So on the one hand, I feel I could really do without this. On the other hand, I know it's directly tied to the overall improvement in my health, which I wouldn't want to give up. So, I guess I shouldn't be sorry.
Last week I had a bit of a mental meltdown when I finally had to accept that applying for transfer scholarships was a bad idea. It's recently become clear that I will not be able to go on for a bachelor's degree while living with my parents. Without being free to set my own priorities and schedule, it simply will not be possible to get the grades I want. I refuse to give up two years of my life and take out loans in order to get Cs, when I know under different circumstances I could get As. At the same time, if I go part time and work part time, I am ineligible for scholarships, making that a non-option.
The college hosted a Human Services fair, and I was talking to CYS and learned that they hire people with associate degrees in Social Work as aides with the potential to move up, because experience is still more valuable than a degree in that field. I felt a bit better after that, and in talking to my KEYS supervisor I learned that such is the case with almost any field of social work right now. She also told me that I will be in a better position in the workforce at the end of 2016 if I have an associate degree and 2 years' experience under my belt, than with a bachelor's and no experience.
So I guess it will all be for the better after all. Many social service fields offer tuition reimbursement, so I can go on with my schooling when the kids are older and more self-sufficient. Meanwhile, I will be putting the boys in school aftercare this fall, because I am simply not able to spend enough time at the campus right now to study adequately. I hate the idea of them being away all day, but that's what I get for falling in love with a liar. Things could be much worse, and this certainly isn't the first ideal I've had to lay aside. We'll survive.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Snow Days... and Days..
Maybe we didn't have a White Christmas, but there's been plenty of the white stuff before and after around here. Yesterday was the beginning of the Spring semester, and morning classes went ahead despite the winter storm warning from 10AM forward. The regular schools were canceled, and so was day care, but I didn't want to miss my first class. And even though it took me 3 hours to get home (normal commute at that time would be around 20 minutes), I am glad I didn't miss the information our professor shared. It was essential. Unfortunately, she made it clear she expects us to show up with our books at the next class; and since the bookstore was closed when I got to it after class was dismissed, and remains closed (along with the rest of the campus) today, I don't see how that will be possible. Not to mention the last of the book allowance has STILL not been posted to my account as of today; and if my receipt is dated prior to the posting date, the money will be withdrawn again. Ugh. I think I will just try to get there early, hope there isn't the huge crowd typical for the first day of classes, and purchase only the books for that class until my allowance comes through. Maybe she will be understanding of the delay.
Little Bear has been having issues at school. I finally emailed his teacher since he refused to say what was wrong. She said he had just been generally more disruptive and inattentive the past week, and it was getting out of hand. She wanted him to do a writing assignment at recess, and he says he didn't know what to write; the end of it was, he refused to write it and refuses to go back to school. Since Whiz Kid had the same teacher for 1st grade, I know her pretty well and I'm confident that her expectations are reasonable and fair. I kept him home Friday since it was going to be a long weekend, hoping he would feel better after the holiday. But that didn't work out.
The next two days have been snow days, so he hasn't had to go back yet. I'm worried about tomorrow though. I know this has to do with his dad, but he refuses to discuss it. His counselor thinks that he's reached his limit of what he can hear about he father, and feels guilty for being angry, so he's looking for other reasons to be angry. He's been lashing out viciously at Whiz Kid for mocking him, and even though Whiz Kid totally brings it on himself, it's still not acceptable to attack your brother like a wild animal. We had a talk the other night that seems to have improved his overall attitude, but hasn't changed his mind about going back to school. Ugh.
Whiz Kid turned 9 this weekend. This I'm sure contributes to Little Bear's issues, since he feels like his brother is always being celebrated and fawned over. The in-laws and ex-dad contribute to this, which angers me. But it is what it is. Anyhow, the children's godmother and her husband took us all to see "Frozen" in celebration. It was great. I highly recommend it. Several people in the ex-fundamentalist homeschooling circle have pointed out its recognition of the harm done by being told you must repress your emotions, be a facade dictated by others; in short, reject who you were created to be in favor of what someone else decided God meant to create you to be. I can SOOOOO relate to those feelings. And I still relate to the feeling of needing a place to stretch my wings and find out who I am away from all the people who can't handle seeing that I don't fit the niche they had me in.
Lately my mom has started bringing the dog into he room at night so he doesn't bark. I've been wanting them to do that for a long time, since no amount of vitamins or energy boosters can make up for the lack of sleep that creature occasions. And today, for the first time in months at least, I actually feel like I have energy! And I can remember things I need to do! Whoohoo! It's great to know that I can NOT drink coffee in the morning if I want. And that I will make it through the day if I forget my supplement. I think this semester will be much easier than previous ones if they continue to keep him in.
Little Bear has been having issues at school. I finally emailed his teacher since he refused to say what was wrong. She said he had just been generally more disruptive and inattentive the past week, and it was getting out of hand. She wanted him to do a writing assignment at recess, and he says he didn't know what to write; the end of it was, he refused to write it and refuses to go back to school. Since Whiz Kid had the same teacher for 1st grade, I know her pretty well and I'm confident that her expectations are reasonable and fair. I kept him home Friday since it was going to be a long weekend, hoping he would feel better after the holiday. But that didn't work out.
The next two days have been snow days, so he hasn't had to go back yet. I'm worried about tomorrow though. I know this has to do with his dad, but he refuses to discuss it. His counselor thinks that he's reached his limit of what he can hear about he father, and feels guilty for being angry, so he's looking for other reasons to be angry. He's been lashing out viciously at Whiz Kid for mocking him, and even though Whiz Kid totally brings it on himself, it's still not acceptable to attack your brother like a wild animal. We had a talk the other night that seems to have improved his overall attitude, but hasn't changed his mind about going back to school. Ugh.
Whiz Kid turned 9 this weekend. This I'm sure contributes to Little Bear's issues, since he feels like his brother is always being celebrated and fawned over. The in-laws and ex-dad contribute to this, which angers me. But it is what it is. Anyhow, the children's godmother and her husband took us all to see "Frozen" in celebration. It was great. I highly recommend it. Several people in the ex-fundamentalist homeschooling circle have pointed out its recognition of the harm done by being told you must repress your emotions, be a facade dictated by others; in short, reject who you were created to be in favor of what someone else decided God meant to create you to be. I can SOOOOO relate to those feelings. And I still relate to the feeling of needing a place to stretch my wings and find out who I am away from all the people who can't handle seeing that I don't fit the niche they had me in.
Lately my mom has started bringing the dog into he room at night so he doesn't bark. I've been wanting them to do that for a long time, since no amount of vitamins or energy boosters can make up for the lack of sleep that creature occasions. And today, for the first time in months at least, I actually feel like I have energy! And I can remember things I need to do! Whoohoo! It's great to know that I can NOT drink coffee in the morning if I want. And that I will make it through the day if I forget my supplement. I think this semester will be much easier than previous ones if they continue to keep him in.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Skylander Comparisons: or, How does this kid perceive things?!
Little Bear loves Skylanders. He has fought hard about my decision to get rid of them. Since my major complaint is the level of violence in the game, I recently realized that he wants to play with the figurines in his hands a lot more than he wants to play with them in the virtual world of the game. So I decided to let him keep the figures he likes, but we will still get rid of the game.
Of course, now he wants me to go right on collecting the figures for him. No way. I think they are creepy and a waste of money, and I'm not pinching and scraping on our slimmer than slim budget to buy things I hate. However, when we saw their dad last week, he told them he had bought the new Skylanders Swap Force collection for them. (By collection, he meant starter pack, and apparently even that was a lie.) So once again I found myself trying to make up his deficiency with something I didn't even want them to have in the first place. I tried to convince them to buy Disney Infinity figures, but the stocks are pretty slim and the only single-pack figures we could find in stock are ones we already have. We can't afford the triple packs right now. So he begged and begged and finally I told him he could pick his favorite Swap Force character instead (it was cheaper, after all). He did, and convinced his brother to pick another one so the two of them could battle. The second choice was not available, and they settled on a character called "Zoo Lou." Whiz Kid chose the Legendary version. (Yes, they make multiple versions of the same characters. It's a shameless ripoff and yet we fall for it anyway.)
On the way home, Little Bear said that he didn't really like the Legendary Zoo Lou. He would have preferred the other one. The Legendary, he said, was creepy. I asked him how one could be creepier than the other. His answer? The Legendary guy has hair. That freaks him out.
???? The "hair" is actually a sort of ponytail on top of the figure's head, which in fact the standard character also has. It's just not as obvious. Of course I busted up laughing, and he didn't like that. But I can't help wondering what goes through his little 7-year-old head, to look at a ferocious little toothy figurine swinging a mace and decide the ponytail makes it creepy. Lol!
Of course, now he wants me to go right on collecting the figures for him. No way. I think they are creepy and a waste of money, and I'm not pinching and scraping on our slimmer than slim budget to buy things I hate. However, when we saw their dad last week, he told them he had bought the new Skylanders Swap Force collection for them. (By collection, he meant starter pack, and apparently even that was a lie.) So once again I found myself trying to make up his deficiency with something I didn't even want them to have in the first place. I tried to convince them to buy Disney Infinity figures, but the stocks are pretty slim and the only single-pack figures we could find in stock are ones we already have. We can't afford the triple packs right now. So he begged and begged and finally I told him he could pick his favorite Swap Force character instead (it was cheaper, after all). He did, and convinced his brother to pick another one so the two of them could battle. The second choice was not available, and they settled on a character called "Zoo Lou." Whiz Kid chose the Legendary version. (Yes, they make multiple versions of the same characters. It's a shameless ripoff and yet we fall for it anyway.)
On the way home, Little Bear said that he didn't really like the Legendary Zoo Lou. He would have preferred the other one. The Legendary, he said, was creepy. I asked him how one could be creepier than the other. His answer? The Legendary guy has hair. That freaks him out.
???? The "hair" is actually a sort of ponytail on top of the figure's head, which in fact the standard character also has. It's just not as obvious. Of course I busted up laughing, and he didn't like that. But I can't help wondering what goes through his little 7-year-old head, to look at a ferocious little toothy figurine swinging a mace and decide the ponytail makes it creepy. Lol!
Monday, January 6, 2014
So that's how it is
Well, I guess my questions have been answered since the police showed up at my FIL's house and arrested my ex for armed robbery. They say they have him on camera. Whiz Kid is devastated, and I feel so inadequate to comfort him. Anything I can say just sounds pathetic. What he wants is a respectable father, and his father refuses to be either. Apparently there are charges pending from a couple of other things as well, and I'm not sure whether I feel more like crying or burning him in effigy.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
New Year
My post is a bit late, I know, but I heard from my ex on New Year's Eve that he wanted to see us this week, so I waited until after that. We had a lot of fun New Year's Eve; we visited a family from church whose boys are best friends with my boys, and we didn't quite make it until midnight, but it sorta counted since we arrived home at midnight and I had to wake them up to get them inside. I think they were too sleepy to notice the fireworks though.
New Year's Day was a chill-out sort of day, and then the boys went back to school. Just in time for a snowstorm that shut the schools down yesterday. I still managed to get my work in on time for the online course I'm taking, and then my ex said he was ready to meet with us at his mom's. We headed over. It was alright as far as his behavior. He's obviously not clean and sober, but he wasn't behaving irrationally. He's about the same as he was the first 9 years or so of our marriage. He looks relatively healthy, and his injuries are pretty much healed except that hair won't grow on the scars, so they are rather prominent. He was driving a car he claimed was his, and wearing all new clothes and shoes. Oh, and a gun. Yep. Isn't that lovely.
As a firm believer in the 2nd Amendment who also chooses not to own a firearm, I'm not sure how to handle this development. The first thing I did was tell him he had no business with it, then completely ignore it the rest of the evening. The kids didn't notice, and from their standpoint I think the evening went very well. He was his old self, and they don't know that this has bad as well as good implications.
Today I ran a background check on him through a source rated reliable by some accredited business magazine, and found nothing I didn't already know about or expect. Just traffic and controlled substance or alcohol related issues, lying to law enforcement about his identity, and a disorderly conduct. Nothing that would make me say "Oh no, this person shouldn't be anywhere near a gun" if the person in question was a stranger. At the same time, I know that he shouldn't be anywhere near a gun. I can't help wondering if it's how he obtained all those new clothes, or if he actually saved that much money from his settlement. And I'm very concerned about future visits. Last night he did not seem irrational or threatening, but that isn't any guarantee of his behavior in the future. I can tell him I'm not comfortable with him having a weapon when we meet, but that's meaningless since he can conceal it, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can tell the police that I don't think he should be carrying a weapon, but that's overstepping what I feel are important civil boundaries, with just my word that he's unstable and has a history of petty theft and suspicion of burglary. I can tell them it's unregistered (I know that without asking), but there are many arguments for not registering firearms that I still consider to be good arguments (Nazi Germany, anyone?). I just personally feel that I would do so if I had one. Besides, if he did register it that wouldn't make me feel any better, so it's not a solution to the problem. I'm not sure what the laws are in PA but I'm almost positive nothing on his record so far would prevent his registering a firearm.
Interestingly, the background check said nothing about his ever owning the property he's been claiming to own since before we were married, but refused to ever let me go into or see any paperwork for. Neither did any liens show up, tax or otherwise; yet he's been claiming tax liens and property taxes and mortgage payments since before Whiz Kid was born as an excuse for much-needed paychecks suddenly disappearing. I have suspected for some time that he lied about owning that house, but seeing proof of it was still maddening. Everything he's ever told me about anything is probably a lie. There is no way he could ever do anything to make me want a relationship with him again, after all of this.
Ugh. I think I will email my divorce attorney and hope she doesn't mind giving advice from her retirement. Assuming she still has the same email address. I hate to end the visits again indefinitely, but I don't see any other way.
New Year's Day was a chill-out sort of day, and then the boys went back to school. Just in time for a snowstorm that shut the schools down yesterday. I still managed to get my work in on time for the online course I'm taking, and then my ex said he was ready to meet with us at his mom's. We headed over. It was alright as far as his behavior. He's obviously not clean and sober, but he wasn't behaving irrationally. He's about the same as he was the first 9 years or so of our marriage. He looks relatively healthy, and his injuries are pretty much healed except that hair won't grow on the scars, so they are rather prominent. He was driving a car he claimed was his, and wearing all new clothes and shoes. Oh, and a gun. Yep. Isn't that lovely.
As a firm believer in the 2nd Amendment who also chooses not to own a firearm, I'm not sure how to handle this development. The first thing I did was tell him he had no business with it, then completely ignore it the rest of the evening. The kids didn't notice, and from their standpoint I think the evening went very well. He was his old self, and they don't know that this has bad as well as good implications.
Today I ran a background check on him through a source rated reliable by some accredited business magazine, and found nothing I didn't already know about or expect. Just traffic and controlled substance or alcohol related issues, lying to law enforcement about his identity, and a disorderly conduct. Nothing that would make me say "Oh no, this person shouldn't be anywhere near a gun" if the person in question was a stranger. At the same time, I know that he shouldn't be anywhere near a gun. I can't help wondering if it's how he obtained all those new clothes, or if he actually saved that much money from his settlement. And I'm very concerned about future visits. Last night he did not seem irrational or threatening, but that isn't any guarantee of his behavior in the future. I can tell him I'm not comfortable with him having a weapon when we meet, but that's meaningless since he can conceal it, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can tell the police that I don't think he should be carrying a weapon, but that's overstepping what I feel are important civil boundaries, with just my word that he's unstable and has a history of petty theft and suspicion of burglary. I can tell them it's unregistered (I know that without asking), but there are many arguments for not registering firearms that I still consider to be good arguments (Nazi Germany, anyone?). I just personally feel that I would do so if I had one. Besides, if he did register it that wouldn't make me feel any better, so it's not a solution to the problem. I'm not sure what the laws are in PA but I'm almost positive nothing on his record so far would prevent his registering a firearm.
Interestingly, the background check said nothing about his ever owning the property he's been claiming to own since before we were married, but refused to ever let me go into or see any paperwork for. Neither did any liens show up, tax or otherwise; yet he's been claiming tax liens and property taxes and mortgage payments since before Whiz Kid was born as an excuse for much-needed paychecks suddenly disappearing. I have suspected for some time that he lied about owning that house, but seeing proof of it was still maddening. Everything he's ever told me about anything is probably a lie. There is no way he could ever do anything to make me want a relationship with him again, after all of this.
Ugh. I think I will email my divorce attorney and hope she doesn't mind giving advice from her retirement. Assuming she still has the same email address. I hate to end the visits again indefinitely, but I don't see any other way.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Merry Christmas
I have a deep sense of peace this Christmas. There are many reasons why, but I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that life is moving forward constructively. This year I told the kids we weren't buying presents, but would be going places instead. Still, I ended up buying Disney Infinity. I'm not at all sorry; it's much more creative and far less creepy and violent than Skylanders, which I loathe and can't wait to get rid of. I convinced them we should sell the Skylanders to buy more Infinity characters. High-five to myself lol.
It's the first Christmas without the kids seeing their dad. I was resigned to that because I know he's not in good shape to see them, but still feeling upset for the kids. Whiz Kid informed me yesterday that we should pick up gifts for him anyway to save until we see him. So I was pretty angry last night when my MIL called to tell me he had unexpectedly turned up at his dad's door the night before, 30 minutes after we left, freezing cold and skinny as a rail, claiming he walked and ran from the jail about 4 miles away after being released. We thought he was still several counties away; he says they transported him back here to clear up more minor charges. Who knows. His dad let him spend the night, fed him, and drove him back to the state capital where he's been living with some guy he left the psychiatric ward with in September.
I'm not sure if I'm more upset that he didn't try to see the kids while he was here, or glad that we missed him without the kids having to know it. Very mixed feelings but sadness is certainly the overwhelming one. I would have met him at a fast food place with his dad or something, just so they could see their father at Christmas. But maybe that would have been the wrong thing to do.
As it was, we blissfully went on with a wonderful day, going to the Children's Museum on the way to our church holiday feast. Then Whiz Kid served as an altar boy for the 3rd time this week, a responsibility he takes very seriously and appears to do quite well at. It's good to see him participating in the service instead of slouching and moaning in his chair, refusing to stand and whispering loudly, "How much loooongeeerrrrr?" He needs participation to be interested in things. Little Bear desperately wants to serve as well, but I'm concerned about his interactions with Whiz Kid and also with his best friend, who is the youngest altar boy. Both of them are very impulsive and inclined to forget their instructions as soon as any distraction presents itself. I know Whiz Kid will try to supervise them, and that won't be good. When Little Bear does begin to serve, we will have to coordinate it so that he is not with his brother or friend. And I will probably try to keep him at Vespers and let his brother take the longer Liturgy. He has stomach trouble, and is not inclined to stand still very long as it is.
Speaking of Little Bear, his academic scores are as high as Whiz Kid's except in reading, and his behavior in school is better. I'm very surprised and happy. He doesn't come across as the academic type but clearly he does fine. He has begun to develop self-esteem issues, though, and I'm not sure what to do about that or if it's a phase that will pass. Several times I've heard him complain how stupid he is, and he writes it sometimes when he's upset. I keep telling him that's not true, and trying to come down hard on Whiz Kid for mocking him, but so far it doesn't seem to help. I guess these things take time. He certainly is not stupid by any means, and I don't want him to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Anyhow, Merry Christmas to all! I'm delighted to face the year ahead.
It's the first Christmas without the kids seeing their dad. I was resigned to that because I know he's not in good shape to see them, but still feeling upset for the kids. Whiz Kid informed me yesterday that we should pick up gifts for him anyway to save until we see him. So I was pretty angry last night when my MIL called to tell me he had unexpectedly turned up at his dad's door the night before, 30 minutes after we left, freezing cold and skinny as a rail, claiming he walked and ran from the jail about 4 miles away after being released. We thought he was still several counties away; he says they transported him back here to clear up more minor charges. Who knows. His dad let him spend the night, fed him, and drove him back to the state capital where he's been living with some guy he left the psychiatric ward with in September.
I'm not sure if I'm more upset that he didn't try to see the kids while he was here, or glad that we missed him without the kids having to know it. Very mixed feelings but sadness is certainly the overwhelming one. I would have met him at a fast food place with his dad or something, just so they could see their father at Christmas. But maybe that would have been the wrong thing to do.
As it was, we blissfully went on with a wonderful day, going to the Children's Museum on the way to our church holiday feast. Then Whiz Kid served as an altar boy for the 3rd time this week, a responsibility he takes very seriously and appears to do quite well at. It's good to see him participating in the service instead of slouching and moaning in his chair, refusing to stand and whispering loudly, "How much loooongeeerrrrr?" He needs participation to be interested in things. Little Bear desperately wants to serve as well, but I'm concerned about his interactions with Whiz Kid and also with his best friend, who is the youngest altar boy. Both of them are very impulsive and inclined to forget their instructions as soon as any distraction presents itself. I know Whiz Kid will try to supervise them, and that won't be good. When Little Bear does begin to serve, we will have to coordinate it so that he is not with his brother or friend. And I will probably try to keep him at Vespers and let his brother take the longer Liturgy. He has stomach trouble, and is not inclined to stand still very long as it is.
Speaking of Little Bear, his academic scores are as high as Whiz Kid's except in reading, and his behavior in school is better. I'm very surprised and happy. He doesn't come across as the academic type but clearly he does fine. He has begun to develop self-esteem issues, though, and I'm not sure what to do about that or if it's a phase that will pass. Several times I've heard him complain how stupid he is, and he writes it sometimes when he's upset. I keep telling him that's not true, and trying to come down hard on Whiz Kid for mocking him, but so far it doesn't seem to help. I guess these things take time. He certainly is not stupid by any means, and I don't want him to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Anyhow, Merry Christmas to all! I'm delighted to face the year ahead.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Loss
I finally got my voice back. I think now I may have actually had whooping cough - at any rate I coughed violently for about 3 weeks and it still hasn't fully stopped. And today I actually had time to call the father of Whiz Kid's friend at a time when his son wasn't home. And told him of my decision. He was very upset, as I expected; his excuse was that he was on pain meds that night and had had a drink or two, which I did not expect and which certainly did not reassure me. It was very difficult to do. I absolutely loathe disappointing people and making them feel bad. But Whiz Kid is my responsibility and I have learned the hard way that there are some things you don't wait for proof of. Getting proof means it's already too late.
Still, I feel like bawling my eyes out over the loss of my son's friendship. They've been best friends for over two years, and in 3rd grade that feels like a lifetime. He's cried, of course. He wants to believe his friend will eventually come over here, but I tried to explain that although the invitation is still open, there's no reason to believe that will happen. And I feel tremendous anxiety over what will happen to his friend; whether his dad will punish him for allowing me to see the behavior, or try to blame him for my decision.
I asked Whiz Kid's counselor to mention this change to him at their last appointment, just in case he wanted to discuss it. He mostly wanted to explain that he is not in danger there because "when things start to get too out of control" (with horseplay, as he calls it) "A--- will give me the signal to go downstairs and I'll just go down and start the game and he comes down later." Yeah. No. This isn't getting any better. She gave me a look that said everything I was thinking, but neither of us voiced it out loud.
I did mention it to the assistant principal of the school as well, just because I felt someone should keep their eyes open and look out for the boy as much as is realistically possible. I still feel very nervous about having done that, but I felt worse about not doing it. However, it worries me to think that if anything happens in the future, the father will know I was the one who spoke up. Still, I feel that people do have a right to face their accusers, unless there's good reason to believe that presents safety risks.
On another note, my ex has apparently been in jail for the past month after stealing from a WalMart. And I received a stack of papers from Domestic Relations informing me that the county is suing the attorney who issued him a settlement on his accident because there was a court order in place to hold it for review because of child support arrears. Nice. The amount was far below what he kept telling us it was, and of course he did nothing to get any of it to the kids, not that I quite frankly care a whit at this point. It's just maddening all around: that he lied again, that he didn't hold out for a more realistic amount (no doubt because he wanted the fast cash), that he did nothing for the kids with it, and of course, the knowledge that if he did tell the truth and had gotten more, it would have been just as wasted anyway. Ugh.
Finals are nearly over. I think I will get A's again; I'm sure of two courses, one I'm concerned about but hopeful. And if I don't, it was still the one class I would not have traded taking for anything, simply because of how much I learned. I hope I never have to see those images again though. It's not a class for sensitive people, and I'm a sensitive person. Not to mention very visual. I'm glad it's over, and glad I stuck it out.
Still, I feel like bawling my eyes out over the loss of my son's friendship. They've been best friends for over two years, and in 3rd grade that feels like a lifetime. He's cried, of course. He wants to believe his friend will eventually come over here, but I tried to explain that although the invitation is still open, there's no reason to believe that will happen. And I feel tremendous anxiety over what will happen to his friend; whether his dad will punish him for allowing me to see the behavior, or try to blame him for my decision.
I asked Whiz Kid's counselor to mention this change to him at their last appointment, just in case he wanted to discuss it. He mostly wanted to explain that he is not in danger there because "when things start to get too out of control" (with horseplay, as he calls it) "A--- will give me the signal to go downstairs and I'll just go down and start the game and he comes down later." Yeah. No. This isn't getting any better. She gave me a look that said everything I was thinking, but neither of us voiced it out loud.
I did mention it to the assistant principal of the school as well, just because I felt someone should keep their eyes open and look out for the boy as much as is realistically possible. I still feel very nervous about having done that, but I felt worse about not doing it. However, it worries me to think that if anything happens in the future, the father will know I was the one who spoke up. Still, I feel that people do have a right to face their accusers, unless there's good reason to believe that presents safety risks.
On another note, my ex has apparently been in jail for the past month after stealing from a WalMart. And I received a stack of papers from Domestic Relations informing me that the county is suing the attorney who issued him a settlement on his accident because there was a court order in place to hold it for review because of child support arrears. Nice. The amount was far below what he kept telling us it was, and of course he did nothing to get any of it to the kids, not that I quite frankly care a whit at this point. It's just maddening all around: that he lied again, that he didn't hold out for a more realistic amount (no doubt because he wanted the fast cash), that he did nothing for the kids with it, and of course, the knowledge that if he did tell the truth and had gotten more, it would have been just as wasted anyway. Ugh.
Finals are nearly over. I think I will get A's again; I'm sure of two courses, one I'm concerned about but hopeful. And if I don't, it was still the one class I would not have traded taking for anything, simply because of how much I learned. I hope I never have to see those images again though. It's not a class for sensitive people, and I'm a sensitive person. Not to mention very visual. I'm glad it's over, and glad I stuck it out.
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