Saturday, November 8, 2014

Deep Breath

I'm trying to stay optimistic since the semester is halfway over. I think I can still get an A even in Statistics; the last course I need for my degree is being offered over the winter break, so I pushed it off until then. I would not be able to keep up with all the homework otherwise. I feel like I barely get to talk to the kids any more.

The Princess is solidly into the terrible 3's. Why they call it the terrible 2's, I have no idea. 3's are far worse. She gets exponentially cuter, whinier, and more demanding with each passing day. All the kids are growing up so fast.

Their dad has been permanently placed, about 5 hours away. The paperwork came and went for getting the kids on his visiting list, so hopefully that will happen soon. We're all starting Hep B vaccinations since it is highly recommended. Apparently Hep B is rampant in the prison system.

Meanwhile, Cub Scouts has turned out to be a really wonderful experience, for me as well as the boys. It hadn't occurred to me that interacting with other parents might be good for me too. I've always had a lot of trouble with peer interactions, and although college has been helpful, there isn't much opportunity for true personal interaction there. Basically, college has made me capable of looking strangers in the eye if necessary, and speaking up in front of them without having a panic attack. Important, but far from enough. Last weekend we attended the annual Scout Fall Festival for our Council, which is free to new Scouts. It's expensive otherwise, so I figured we should take advantage of it being free this year. It was an absolutely fantastic experience, and I'll be more than happy to pay the cost of attending in the future now that I know what to expect. The day was cold, but beautiful, and the fall colors were at their peak. At some point about halfway through the day, I realized that I was talking and laughing with other people my own age, even MALE people my own age, without feeling awkward or out of place or self-conscious. I was feeling like a person who actually had an equal right to be there, not just an outsider who should probably keep her mouth shut lest she say something embarrassing. Something changed in me right then. I'm not sure what it was, but it was healthy. Almost like it was the last step on my path to becoming mentally an adult as well as nominally. I'll always remember it as one of the defining moments of my life. Funny how those moments tend to be so small and invisible from the outside, isn't it?

My parents don't expect to be moved for another few months, so we're hoping the new buyer will allow us to rent one of the units for a low price until the end of the school year, so the boys can finish it out in the district. One of the units has significant water damage and can't be rented for a decent amount until it's repaired. We could certainly manage that for a few months, if the buyer is willing.

I need to start my job search in earnest soon. I've put in two applications so far, but only because they were opportunities I didn't want to pass up. I need to start the real process soon. I'm dreading it and looking forward to it at the same time. I can't wait to start working; it's the searching part that I hate.